Isn't it
about time for

about time for Twelve Timbers
TWELVE TIMBERS?




 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 






funny stuff!

woodbloom® carries wacky T-shirts, fun ceramics, amusing aprons and other off-beat items. If you're looking for a laugh, you've come to the right place!

Please scroll down for a chuckle or two. If you have questions or you'd like to order, call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438) or e-mail us.


I DRINK, THEREFORE I AM T-SHIRT

What would Auguste Rodin think of his Thinker taking time out for a brewski? We don't know, but we think you'll find this shirt thought-provoking!

The shirt features a left-chest emblem on the front and the famed statue on the back. (Click on the picture for a closer look.)

The particulars ...
  • "I Drink, Therefore I Am" T-shirt
    • Sage green shirt
    • Adult L & XL, $19.95; XXL, $22.95

I Drink, Therefore I Am
Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


LIFE IS TOO SHORT T-SHIRT

Life is too short to drink shitty beer      Life is too short t-shirt

Sure the saying is impolite, not to mention impolitic ... but c'mon, it's true, too!

This shirt features Saint Obnoxious, the patron saint of GOOD beer, on the front and that straightforward admonition in monastic calligraphy on the back! (Click on the photos for a closer look.)

The particulars ...
  • Life is Too Short shirt
    • Unisex T-shirt
      (The photo above shows Cardinal Red, but there are several colors available. E-mail or call us at 888-382-4438 for our current selection.)
      • Adult M - XL, $19.95, XXL, $22.95
    • Women's cut available only in Orange (photo to the right)
      • Adult S - XL, $19.95
Shitty Beer tank top
Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


Beerma Sutra t-shirt      Beerma Sutra t-shirt      Beerma Sutra t-shirt

BEERMA SUTRA T-SHIRT

Nationally known beer writer (and host of KXL Radio's weekly Beer O'Clock program) Lisa Morrison has designed the ultimate beer shirt for those who love ... well, for those who love!

The shirt features a left-chest emblem on the front and beer glasses getting it on in nine different positions on the back. And, yes, each glass is beeratomically correct for the style of brew listed! (Click on the center picture above for a closer look.)

The particulars ...
  • Beerma Sutra shirt
    • Black T-shirt
      • Adult XS - XL, $19.95, XXL & XXXL, $22.95
    • Black women's tank top
      • Adult M - XXL, $19.95
Beerma Sutra tank top
Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


DRINK 'TIL T-SHIRT

Drink 'Til      Drink 'Til women's t-shirt

What's the difference between guys and gals? This back of this shirt from St. Obnoxious makes it pretty clear. Gals are confident; guys are desparate!

This shirt features Saint Obnoxious, the monk of monkey business, on the front. On the back it makes a plea (on the guy's shirt) or a demand (on the sleeveless gal's shirt). (Click on the photos for a closer look.)

The particulars ...
  • Drink 'Til T-shirt
    • Men's T-shirt in green (photo to the right)
      • Adult M - XL, $19.95, XXL, $22.95
    • Women's sleeveless T-shirt in black (photo above)
      • Adult S - XL, $19.95
Shitty Beer tank top
Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


Beeriodic t-shirt      Beeriodic t-shirt

BEERIODIC TABLE T-SHIRT

For beer and chemistry geeks, this shirt is elemental! 58 beer styles are displayed, textbook symbol style, on the front of the shirt. They're categorized by ales and lagers and organized by the traditional color and alcohol strength of each beer style. The symbols are defined on the back.

The particulars ...
  • Beeriodic Table T-shirt
    • Gray (photos above) or green (front of the shirt is in the photo to the right)
    • XXL (gray or green), $22.95; XXXL (gray only), $22.95
green Beeriodic shirt
Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


EXPOSE YOURSELF TO GOOD BEER T-SHIRT

Expose yourself to good beer      Expose yourslef to good beer t-shirt

This shirt features Saint Obnoxious, the patron saint of GOOD beer, on the front and his ... uh, exposition on the back! (Click on the photos for a closer look.)

The particulars ...

  • Expose Yourself to Good Beer T-shirt
    • Unisex T-shirt
      • Adult M - XL, $19.95; XXL, $22.95

Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


MAKE BEER, NOT WAR TANK TOP

This shirt says it all, so we'll leave it at that.

The shirt features "Make Beer, Not War" on the front and the a "Pilsner glass peace sign" on the back. (Click on the picture for a closer look.)

The particulars ...
  • Make Beer, Not War tank top
    • Olive drab shirt
    • Adult S - XL, $19.95

Make Beer, Not War
Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


POURtland T-SHIRT

Forget all that stuff about a coin flip in the 1850s -- THIS is why our fair city really earned its name!

woodbloom's® newest shirt design is also the most thirst-quenching!

The shirt features a left-chest emblem on the front and props to beer, wine, martini and even coffee drinkers on the back. (Click on the picture for a closer look.)

The particulars ...
  • POURtland T-shirt
    • Black shirt
    • Adult S - XL, $19.95; XXL & XXXL, $22.95

When it rains, we pour!
Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...
Hop Field of Dreams shirt Hop Field of Dreams T-shirt

Oregon's notariety as a center of microbrewing and hop growing converge in our love of big, puckery, tart beers. This t-shirt celebrates the hop fields and the brews that are enhanced by them.

The particulars ...

  • Hop Field of Dreams T-shirt
    • style: imprinted
    • sizes: unisex adult S, M, L, XL, XXL
    • color: white
    • $12.95 (XXL $14.95)

    Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


TEES THAT TEASE!

We carry T-shirts sure to make even a curmudgeon crack a smile. The shirts are silk-screened and are either black or white, depending on the shirt. All come in adult sizes S through XXL; a couple also come in kids sizes. Check back often as our lineup of crack-ups frequently grows.

The particulars ...
  • Tees That Tease!
      • "Dark Side"
        • Black shirt
        • Kids S - XL, $12.95
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Drama Queen"
        • White shirt
        • Kids S - XL, $12.95
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Go To Hell"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "I'm Only Wearing Black"
        • Black shirt (obviously!)
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Procrastinate"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Whatever"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "When I Turned 40" (or 50, or 60)
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "My Opinion"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Manure Occureth"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Keep Portland Weird"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S, L, $19.95
        • (also comes as a bumper sticker for $2.00)
      • "Dyslexics have more FNU"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Everyone is born righthanded ..."
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Sometimes I wonder ..."
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Sofa King Cool"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Always late ... but worth the wait."
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Heck is where people go
        who don't believe in gosh"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Boldly going nowhere"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "You never see a motorcycle parked outside of a psychiatrist's office"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult M - XL, $16.95
      • "Subtlety creates confusion"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "I would do me"
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95
      • "Growing old ..."
        • Black shirt
        • Adult S - XL, $13.95, XXL $16.95

Our Portland Gear line of shirts and caps are also lots of fun.

Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...

some of our T-shirts

Don Swygard likes us!

And our tops are "tops," too!

some of our T-shirts

some of our T-shirts


Oregon wine shirt Oregon Wine Shirt & Apron

Oregon is a great wine producing state. Pinot noir is Oregon's signature wine style, but a wide variety of ... uh, varietals are made here.

woodbloom® has designed a short-sleeve, silkscreened T-shirt which pays homage to several of these styles and the artisan vintners who create them ... and pokes a little fun at our friends to the south. It also comes in an apron.

The particulars ...

  • Oregon Wine Shirt
    • sizes: unisex adult S, M, L, XL, XXL
    • colors: black or burgundy
    • $14.95 (XXL $18.95)
  • Oregon Wine Apron
    • one size fits all
    • color: burgundy
    • $19.95

Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


MORE APRONS WITH ATTITUDE!

We carry culinary cover-ups that'll keep you smiling. They make great gifts, especially for Father's Day, Mother's Day and Christmas. These are silk-screened aprons with adjustable neck loops and ample ties so one size fits all.

The particulars ...
  • Aprons with Attitude!
    • Art: silk-screened images
    • Sayings:
      • When in doubt, add more wine.
      • French army knife [nothing but corkscrews]
      • Operation Dessert Storm [ice cream sundae]
      • I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I put it in the food.
      • Five-Star Dining (out of a possible 100)
    • Colors: vary
    • Sizes: one size fits all
    • Price: $19.95

Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


GOLF CLUB WINDCHIMES
Golf windchimes How well do your golf clubs play? Probably not as well as these "retired" clubs!

The steel shafts which make up these chimes sound like church bells when they're struck by the clubhead. (Please note that the photo shows a larger version of the chimes than we sell, but essentially the Par 3 that we sell is the same, only shorter.)

The particulars ...

  • Par 3 Golf Club Windchimes
    • Size: 6-inch cut-up shafts produce tones when struck by the clubhead
    • Price: $32.95

The perfect gift for golfers who think they have everything!

Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...


ART WEAR® READING GLASSES
eyeglasses Do your eyes still have it? Or have your eyes had it?! We've got in-your-face reading glasses to put on your face in a few strengths!

The particulars ...

  • Art Wear® reading glasses
    • The look is sassy, contemporary, and colorful.
    • Something "in your face" for on your face!
    • Strengths: 1.75, 2.25, 2.50, 2.75, 3.00.
    • Comes with a protective case.
    • Price: $10.95 - $17.95

Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...

Unless otherwise stated, we typically have these items in stock. To check our current inventory, please e-mail or call us toll-free at 888-382-GIFT (4438). Or if you prefer ...




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This site updated March 6, 2015.
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